It all began with a dream. It was a foolish, random dream that should've meant nothing but changed everything. I had known him less than a month at the time. I had never spoken to him. I barely saw him. I didn't care about him and didn't have any emotional attachment towards him. He was as good a stranger as anyone. Then, halfway through October, I went to bed one night, and when I woke up, something was different. I was different, and soon, so would be my relationship with him.  
       It was a simple dream. I was walking across my campus, heading to class, when I got a text. When I checked who was texting me, it was him, and all the message said was "I love you." I stopped on the stairs, shocked. After a few moments, I replied "I don't believe you." I laughed it off, for surely, he was joking. He texted me again, "You should, because it's true."  I remember there being a small confrontation, arguing the truth of his first text, then he stopped texting me. I called him, he didn't answer. Forgetting about class, I got in contact with his friends, trying to find where he was so I could talk to him. No one knew. I looked for him, went to places I thought he would be, but I woke up before I found him. I laid in bed for a while after that, confused, surprised, and full of thoughts. It made me wonder...A few days later, I went to work and stuck to routine...but as I sat at my desk, alone in a back room, he came in and sat with me. We talked for the first time that day and from there, began something that I still can't describe, many months later. All I know is that it's incredible.
 He makes me feel things I've never felt before. In a way, I lose control of myself when I'm around him. I tense up when he's near me, my heart jumps and my stomach does a backflip when I catch him looking at me. Every hug, every high five, every time he grabs my hand and holds on to it causes me to never want to let him go. I want to just stay in his arms, or hold his hand for as long as I can. Every Lady Antebellum song makes me think of him. Country songs make me want to sing with him. Even on my worst days, if I see him, even for a moment on the sidewalk, I can't help but smile and my mood instantly improves, often making the rest of my day ten times better. I'm staying at my university a week longer than I need to in order to be with him, and watch him graduate. A month ago, I purchased a ticket to fly halfway across the country to spend time with him this summer. I've lost control and though it scares me, because I've never felt so vulnerable in my entire life, it makes me happier than I've ever been before.
 I've liked quite a few guys in my lifetime, but none of them have treated me the way he does. None of them have respected me the way he does, or cared for me like he does. He makes me feel important, special. When I get to see him, I'm ecstatic. When we make plans, and things don't work out, it ruins my whole day. When he knows he upset me, he will spend half an hour trying to make me feel better, explaining what happened and doing whatever it takes to make it up to me. When I don't see him, I miss him. My friends and family say to give this time, because I'll get over it. I don't think it will be that easy this time though. I love him, I truly love him. I've liked guys in the past, but while I had my fantasies for the future, I never believed I truly loved them, but this makes my past seem so foolish and silly, so pointless. I think I'm really falling in love now, I'm sure of it. I hope this feeling doesn't go away, I love it and I love him but most of all...

I hope he loves me too... 

 On the last day of my Winter break, I visited my grandparents for dinner and quality time before I returned to school for eight weeks. After enjoying watching the Giants win against the Packers with my grandfather, dinner at the Weathervane and hours of good conversation, it was time for me to leave so I could go home and pack for school. As I was about to hug my grandmother goodbye, she began talking to herself about her gloves and where she put them. She couldn't remember and turned away from me to go look for them. I was taken aback a bit, since it was quite random and I was just left in the entryway as she ran off to look for her missing gloves. So, instead of leaving without properly saying goodbye to my grandmother, I stuck around to help my grandparents look for my grandmother's missing gloves. The three of us turned the house upside down trying to find those gloves.
After half an hour, I went downstairs and found my grandfather sitting alone in the family room. I sat with him and asked him what was on his mind. When he looked at me, there were tears in his eyes (I've only seen my grandfather cry once in my entire life). I was surprised and asked him what's wrong. He told me that while I may think that the whole situation was silly, looking for a pair of gloves. However, for him, the situation was a trying one and was difficult to handle. My grandmother has Dementia, so searching the house for missing items is not a rare occasion. My grandfather watched as my grandmother continued to search the house for her gloves and as he did so, he said "You know, Jess. The missing gloves don't bother me. I can go to the store and buy a new pair and it won't matter. It bothers her though and she won't let it go. Those missing gloves will bother her whether I get her a new pair or not. It bothers me because I know it bothers her and if I can't find those gloves, I won't be able to help her. That bothers me." He was really upset, and to be honest, after being told all of that, the situation bothered me too. I sat with my grandfather in silence for a while, thinking about my grandmother and the Dementia that is slowly taking her away from our family. Then, I continued to search for those gloves. Another hour went by and my grandfather told me to give up. It was late, and I needed to leave.
 I felt terrible. I didn't want to leave knowing my grandmother would continue to search that house for days for her gloves, and my grandfather would watch, feeling helpless. My family has tried staying strong through the past few years since my grandmother was diagnosed. We all patiently remind her of names, places and shared memories. We'll point out where she put something. We'll listen when she's trying to tell us a story that she can't quite remember. Every day is different, some are better than others but none of them are easy. It's a change we need to adapt to and expect the worse from. Missing gloves are just the beginning and while her doctors say there is medication that will make it better, there will be a lot more gloves that will go missing, a lot more shoes, glasses, books, newspapers and hour-long house searches. Just like my grandfather, it bothers me too because I can't even imagine how much this whole thing bothers my grandmother everyday. So leaving her house after failing to find her gloves made me feel guilty and miserable.
As luck would have it though, when I sat down to put my shoes on, I spotted the gloves stuck beneath a dining room chair cushion. Nearly a week later, and my grandparents still call me to thank me for finding them. It was good to see how happy they were when I found the gloves. I saved the day that day...

I just wish I could be there to save a lot more of them... 

Originally, I was going to copy Stuart Townsend's character's idea in Chaos Theory. It goes a bit like this: "I always make my resolutions on December 29th. That way, I only have 48 hours to feel bummed about not keeping them."

I was going to go with that at first, but I've been reflecting on this past year and it got me thinking about what I need to do for this upcoming year. So, here are my resolutions...not that you care, but I will a year from now when I look back on them.

~I resolve to make the best of 2012, no matter what happens. There will be tough times, I already know that, but I will make the best of what I experience and do whatever I can to make it a good year.
~I resolve to be braver and bolder. I will speak my mind and tell people how I feel, before it's too late to do so.
~I resolve to work harder and put more effort into my work.
~I resolve to enjoy every last minute of the little time I have with the people I love most
~I resolve to become more fit and active...to lose a few pounds and live a healthier lifestyle.
~I resolve to enjoy 2012 more than I did 2011, to have a more fun, not worry so much and relax a little bit more.
~I resolve to be a better person, overall, in every way possible.